Too young to be broody?

I turned 20 in November.

I live at home with my Mum & sister who is 10 years my junior. Who I have half raised since she was 18 months old.

Me and Mr have been together for nearly four years. Four years of one weekend here, one weekend there. Four years of baby announcements, showers, arrivals and birthdays from family & friends.

In those four years six babies have been born across our families. Some planned, some not so. But each of them a miracle, a bundle of joy.

It's no surprise that this along side working in the industry that I do, running a business primarily targeted at Mums & Mum's to be has made me so incredibly broody.

I spend my days watching and reading as  Bumps become Babies. Women become Mothers. Couples become families.

It is a process mainly of the following.

That very first tweet announcing a miracle..

The exciting bump updates.

The seas of pink, blue or yellow which take over your home as you prepare.

The introduction of a beautiful tiny baby to the world.

The realisation that said baby really is your world.

More seas of  pink, blue or yellow which take over your home as you prepare.

Celebrations. First curl. First word. First Step.

It all seems so exciting! Exhausting but exciting.

I tell myself every single day that a baby of our own just would not be practical. That in order to raise a child you need to have your own home, money and more life experience than we do. That we 'have our whole lives ahead of us yet'. That I am far too young to be broody. That people will raise their eyebrows and judge. And all of the above is probably true.

But I am also learning that life is so so short. Too short to wait for the 'right time'.

What if I keep waiting for the 'right time' and it never comes? I have family and friends who have missed the boat. Their ship has sailed. And they are sad and forever longing.

In the four years that we have been together we ourselves have lost two unexpected miracles at very early stages. As unexpected and unplanned as they were and however unprepared we may have been, the heart ache and emptiness each loss has bought is unexplainable. I have to trust that whoever it is sitting up there was certain that our little miracles were just not ready for earth just yet, he just wasn't quite finished with them yet, and that when he is and when we are ready he'll send them to us.

But I am broody all the same.

The Sun is Shining

Today the sun is shining. Today is already a fabulous day.

It is not a day that has gone to plan. I should be at work. Instead I am home with two 11 year old's because of childcare issues. As was I yesterday.

But in truth, something tells me that today is not a day for any mundane plan. Today is the day to make the changes, dot the i's and cross the t's and prepare for my biggest adventure yet!

On Tuesday, after a few truly rubbish events at work, I handed in my notice. After 18 months of muddling through, juggling my own business with contributing more time and effort to someone else's I finally bit the bullet and resigned!

I can't tell you how excited I am about it all. I feel like a weight has been lifted, like a light bulb has just gone PING! in my head. In just under a month, I'll be solely self employed and although the prospect of not having a regular assured income is scary, I know that this risk is one I have to take.

I am stressed, but that good stress.  I have those good butterflies.

I am already making progress, my business is already booming more than it was.

Today the sun is shining. Today is already a fabulous day.

Time to Make a Change

Someone once said... wrote rather... that I reminded them of Super Woman.

I'm always busy. Always juggling about 100 things at once, and nearly always doing it with a smile on my face (to those outside anyway).

Back then I was studying for my AS levels, working part time at a well known coffee shop and had just started my business. I felt like Super Woman.

Today I do not feel like Super Woman. Today I am tired, stressed and miserable. Today I realised that I have been tired, stressed & miserable for some time.

Today I decided it is time I made a change. A BIG change. A HUGE change. A change which should have been made a loooooooong time ago.

It is a big risk, don't get me wrong. But a risk I need to take.

Tomorrow I will be dropping one of the balls. And it will be good. This time tomorrow I will only be juggling 99 things at once.

And I tell you... I cannot wait to feel like Super Woman again.

Because You are You

I'm not very good at Valentines Day. I am really not naturally romantic. I love with all of my heart, but big gestures and slushy poems just aren't for me.

Sometimes I think I take all he does for granted. He is just always there. And though I thank him, sometimes I'm not sure he knows how much I appreciate him.

So this year, when trying -and failing to hunt for an acceptable (yet not too slushy) valentines gift for him, I decided to make something myself.

I did not spend much, under £10 actually, and it was really easy to do. 

I bought these heart shaped Post-it Notes from Waitrose and a Preserve Jar from Tesco.

I wrote 'I Love You Because...' on a red Post-It and stuck it to the lid of the jar. Then wrote all of the reasons I could think of on the rest, folded them in half and popped them inside of the jar. This way he can look at them at any time and know I love him lots.

Some of them are funny,
Some of them are sweet,
Some of them only he & I would understand,
But each of them are true.

Each of them are on a heart and from my heart.

I love you Mr.

Because you are you.

Getting Fit, Not Thin

With all this talk EVERYWHERE about diets and calorie counting I am getting frustrated! We've seen it time after time where public figures have gone to extreme lengths to lose weight, to just put it all back on (and more) a year later. Surely, this is harming their health. Surely the constant change in food in take is doing more harm than good?

The thing is... MOST diets are unsustainable. Whether it be no carbs, 5/2, cutting out sugar, ditching dairy or just eating far less than you should. At the end of your day, your body needs a balanced diet. It needs carbohydrates for energy, dairy products for strength, meat for protein yada yada yada. Were we not taught this at primary school? Is this not familiar??

That's why this year my aim is to get FIT not THIN. Because personally, I don't think thin is always healthy. Too often we see extreme dieting and pressure on dieting lead to bad health - eating disorders, vitamin deficiencies & fatigue.

I have been a size 10 for as long as I can remember. Yes at some points of the month I'm heavier or lighter, my jeans are looser or tighter, but fundamentally I am a size 10.


So here's my Fit not Thin Plan...

I will be going to the gym twice a week for an hour at a time, following a strict programme of cardio, free weights and stretch activities. I'll post my programme here is the next few days.
I will walk for half an hour each evening. This can easily be tied in with walking the dog, popping to the shops, or just taking the long way home from the train / bus station.
I will be eating a healthy balanced diet, following the proportions in the diagram above.
I will set myself achievable targets and work to them by training to run the Race for Life for Cancer Research & the NUTS challenge for the Lullaby Trust.

Will you join me in getting Fit not Thin and setting an example to our own generation and generations to come? 

Sister, Please hold my hand

Sister, please hold my hand
As we journey through this land
Together we stand, together we will fall
No matter what, God will keep us together
That will be the best of all

Sister, please hold my hand
Because without you I can't stand
For we were put on this earth for a reason
To go through every good and bad season

Sister, please hold my hand
As our strength, together, builds each other to become strong
So that our love for each other will last long 

Ashley Jackson