This is all too much.

You'll have to excuse my ramblings - I need to clear my head.

Tonight was a Sean night. They come once or twice a week.

Never on a Thursday. Rarely.

Mum's been ill for some time. Various symptoms. Various possibilities.

Pain
Bleeding
Fainting
Collapsing
Tiredness
Low appetite
Weight gain

Stress.

The first solution - op to remove the 2 large Kidney Stones that have grown very quickly.

Second Test for Ovarian Cancer. Must wait though. One thing at a time.

Why can't they just find out everything, and zap the lot all at the same time?

My phone buzzes.

'We're poorly here.'

Libby's away. That leaves Mum & Alfie.

What's wrong Mum? Have you passed out? Do you need the hospital?

Whats wrong with Alfie? He was fine this morning. Fine all night.

'We need to go home Sean.'

'Now.'

Tears in the car. Quiet tears. Stress.

Don't tell me to stop crying.

I know they're bloody tears.

Arrive home, locked back door, no key.

Knock on door, no answer, knock again, no answer. Panic.

Door Opens. She looks so ill.

Dark circles. Off balance. Ill.

Blood.

Blood on the floor.

Droplets.

Puddles.

Sick.

Alfie.

His ears are down. His eyes sad.

My baby. My healer. Panic.

What's he eaten? Is it blood? Is it ketchuppy sick?

Libby really must stop leaving her plate down for him.

Not blaming. Observing.

Put Mum to bed.

Coat on. Lead out.

Where's the blood coming from?

So we walk.

Me & Sean. and Pup.

He perks up, walking around the park. Calm. Calm Stress.

No blood.

Home.

Clean.

Tidy.

Libby's bed. I'll be closer to Mum. Alfie prefers it in here.

Blankets. Quilts. Water.

Sick.

No Blood.

He's sucking his mouth, drinking lots and sick. Wandering around. He's not comfortable.

Breathing heavily now. Slowly. Normal pace.

Howl. Cry, More sick.

Panic

We're going to the #MMWellyWalk... Are you?

On 2^nd November 2013 we are going to the #MMWellyWalk at Beale Park in Reading. It is going to be a fab family fun day in aid of a great cause – The Lullaby Trust. The event is in memory of a beautiful angel baby, Matilda Mae, who died on 2^nd February 2013 at 9 months of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. You can read more about her legacy at www.edspire.co.uk.

We are going to be wanging our wellies, singing songs with Gymboree, painting, cutting and sticking with the Rainy Day Box Company, naming a giant teddy bear, frolicking in fair ground fun with Beebies Baby Store, bubble blowing, capturing magical moments with Scryver photography & Virtual  Booth, taking a trip on the Beale Park Miniature Railway, eating cakes courtesy of Charlotte’s Kitchen Diary, reading stories, playing games and so much more! 

There will also be lots of chances to win some fantastic prizes, meet some amazing people & bid for Wellies signed by the stars!

We look forward to seeing you there too! Tickets are available at www.beebiesbabystore.com and are £9.99 each. Under 11s go free!